The Most Confusing Case Ever
by ArceusGPG
Summary: It was the best of crimes, it was the worst of crimes. This sentence is false, unless it is true. If the previous sentence is true, then the following sentence is false. This statement is false. See? It's already confusing, and it's just the summary!


**This was a personal challenge of mine to contradict myself as many times as I could in a short story while still remaining coherent. If such a strange endeavor does not sound appealing, I would recommend backing out now.**

It was around midnight and the sun was setting in the horizon. Scooby and Shaggy were riding in the Mystery Machine, sitting at home with their friends. Velma was reading the news in her favorite novel, though her mind was on their new case. It was a strange one, but that was normal for the group to take on normal cases. They had to make money somehow, even if they solved mysteries for free.

There were reports of a ghost in town that would terrorize the citizens. The mineshaft it usually haunted was abandoned, so it wasn't bothering anyone, but it still was scary to think about. She decided not to think about it, because the thoughts were too terrifying to even think about, so she went back to reading her magazine.

Fred was lifting ten pound weights, grunting every time he completed a push-up. He was not only a really smart guy, but he was also athletic. Even though he wasn't very bright, he knew that the case would be difficult, unless it was really easy. Ghosts weren't real, no matter what anyone says, except for the ones that do exist. You have to watch out for those though.

Daphne wasn't doing anything except sitting. But while she was standing next to the window, she thought she saw a ghost, but it was just her imagination. She knew she wasn't imagining things, but didn't tell anyone, except Fred who never heard her. Fred believed her, but didn't want to scare anyone else.

Shaggy was eating huge hamburgers, laughing every time Scooby Doo burped. Shaggy wondered how dogs could burp, but didn't worry too much. As long as he had frankfurters to eat, he would be happy. But he wasn't happy though because of the new case, which didn't bother anyone else, but it bothered him. Frankenstein monsters were usually big, angry, green, and docile. They were unpredictable, following simple patterns of attack. Whoever was under the mask probably had some sort of vendetta against the business it was vandalizing. Most likely the person under all the make-up was actually the business owner, trying to create media attention.

Scooby Doo was eating pretzels politely. The dog hated plane rides, so he refused to consume their snack foods, otherwise he would have to upchuck the peanuts in a... doggy bag. It wouldn't be pretty, especially because the train didn't have any bags to puke in.

They arrived at the movie theater where the vampire was supposed to be. The manager said that the monster would always scare the movie-goers during the trailers before the film began. She showed them where the crowd sat, and after collecting the money for the tickets, pointed them to their seats.

They were a little late to the play, and missed the beginning half, but that was alright. They had gotten into the rodeo for free anyway, so they didn't care, except Shaggy who hated to miss the beginning of mystery films. Fred munched on some popcorn and shared with everyone else. He didn't ever exercise, so he was getting kind of fat. But he hid his fat inside his yellow shirt so no one would notice. Daphne noticed because she was the smartest one in the group, but besides that, no except for Shaggy, Scooby, and Velma noticed.

Velma couldn't stand the movie though, and instead kept looking for the zombie that was supposed to appear. She never liked romance movies, so she wasn't missing much, except for a bunch of explosions and gunfire.

Shaggy and Scooby were laughing hysterically at the documentary. They may not appreciate the sob story elements, but they enjoyed the horror in it nonetheless. It was kind of fun to watch a drive-in movie, because then they could stay in the comforts of their Mystic Machine, even though it had broken down earlier.

None of them were watching the screen though, because at that moment, the rock monster appeared and started to destroy the stadium.

"Scooby!" Velma shouted, "You've got to go and stop him! Quickly now!"

The dog shook his head. No matter what Shaggy said, he wasn't going out to face that alien out there, not even for two Scooby Snacks.

"What if I gave you a Scooby Snack?"

He could resist a Scooby Snack, not for anything. He nodded his head vigorously, agreeing to the plan.

"Ruh uh! Ro ray."

"Good!" Fred said, tossing him the dog treats, "Hurry, now. Run up behind the seaweed creature and push him into the cotton candy machine. He'll end up in a chocolatey mess and have to eat his way out."

Scooby Doo saluted, grinning from ear to ear. He groggily shuffled down from the watchtower, sulking. Why did he have to do everything by himself? He wasn't even promised a single Scooby Snack this time, so that made the task seem even more insurmountable.

Shaggy led the way, occasionally pushing her glasses against her face in deep thought. Fred and Daphne had gone off separately, believing that if they all should stick together. They rushed the mashed potato fiend, only to find him disappear into thin air, like a phantom. Velma knew better; ice monsters couldn't dematerialize. It had to be a hologram.

Scooby tackled the hologram, pinning it to the snowy ground. Then they ripped off its mask. Underneath the suit of armor was the reporter they met earlier.

"No!" Fred gasped, clearly horrified that his own mother was the culprit.

"Yes," Fred replied, quietly, "It's true, Daphne. I knew it was him from the very beginning."

"As did I," Velma stated, pointing to the muddy footprints behind them.

"You see," he said, eager to demonstrate his intelligence, "When we first met the unruly store owner, we thought he was just abrasive because he was old. But she was only three years old, how could she own a concession stand all by herself? The answer was simple- she was only pretending to be four years old. Underneath the werewolf mask is another mask, yes, the mask of masquerading as a small child. Instead, he is actually three years old."

Shaggy wiped off her glasses on his white shirt. Then he continued his explanation.

"So after carefully setting up the trap, we finally caught the lizard monster. Now let's see who's really under the mask," she said, pulling off the mask.

There was a collective sigh of relief when the removal of the headpiece revealed empty armor. It was a ghost all along, just like they suspected.

"Let's go home," Daphne said to Daphne who nodded.

Velma agreed with Fred. "Raw right, Raggy."

So all three members of the Mystery Inc. gang piled into the Mysterious Vehicle, leaving the criminal to the nice police officers in the area. Then they drove off into the morning sunset.

**Author's Note: **

**I think he / she / it would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for the possibly meddling individual / individuals specified / unspecified in the story. **

**The inspiration for this work was in the idea of atonal music, that is, music without tonality. It leads nowhere, and ends without a conclusion. The music is simply appreciated because it is music. It defies order and structure to challenge it.**

**While not abandoning the rules of grammar or spelling, I decided to defy the idea of consistency. Even if almost every single statement in the story is contradicted, there still exists a sense of direction. I suppose that was fascinating in and of itself.**


End file.
